In the left corner you have Keira Knightley. She weighs in at 90 plus pounds (Just a guess mind you) dripping wet and at the ripe age of 24 holds a mighty punch when pulling back her pillow for a full swing. She is English so that gives her the edge in the exotic area. I just love those damn accents. Call me crazy but any woman with an accent runs chills up my spine. She has now been in a shitload of movies but most likely best known for The Disney Pirates of the Caribbean series which were all blockbusters world wide. She is smoking hot, if a little on the thin side but damn, who really cares.
In the right corner you have Scarlett Johansson; she is also 24 years old but as we all know is married. Say what you want but anyone who is married is a little softer than the single crowd. It is just natural. You stop working out as much, go to bed early and spend most of your days in bed trying to figure out why in the world you need to go out. What’s the point you are married now. Scarlett leads with her two best assets. Let’s face facts. In the frontal, there are very few out there in the world who can beat Scarlett. She packs a mighty fine one two punch and I for one would be happy getting hit by the left or the right. Take me down right now with a smile.
The prize? Eliza Doolittle from “My Fair Lady”. Yes, in Hollywood’s attempts to remake every movie ever made we are getting another big screen version of the classic leading lady role originally brought to life by Audrey Hepburn. It will be difficult to surpass the original but as with most remakes I doubt the movie big wigs will even try. It is all about commercial success versus making something worthwhile. Seems like a been there done that scenario over and over again every time you enter the theater these days. If movies are not pilfering from books, comics, sequels or remakes they don’t seem to get made.
Admittedly if you put Keira Knightley and Scarlett Johansson in a room and let them go head to head with the winner getting a plum role like this nobody loses. My only request is that you strip them down naked and let them fight it out in a huge ceramic bowl filled with Jell-O. Not the gross green Jell-O either but the nice cherry red Jell-O. The Jell-O that melts in your mouth so deliciously. Doesn’t it seem odd that the spongy food marketed to kids has turned into such an erotic palate pleasing morsel? You never really know how things will turn out in life do you.
It appears in the end that Scarlett’s twin torpedoes were not enough and Keira has won the battle. Being signed on as the new trash to class female lead will be the latest notch she will chalk on her belt. Again, I want to say nobody loses here. Condolences to Scarlett but no tears please. You are both smoking hot and I would still pay top dollar to see either one of you duke it out in an underwear pillow fight. Scarlett just has to leave her Green Lantern at home.
Sometimes I feel like a nut and sometimes Jell-O sounds so damn good.
